Tuesday, 29 April 2014

When she said it, it struck me strangely. "You are self centred" I was a bit shocked at the phrase.  I was expressing how I don't really like to burden people with my personal problems. She explained to me that it sometimes makes some people feel better to listen to your problems. I still don't understand. but during the two hour group theropy session I met a very wide range of woman. All the same but  very different. I don't know their exact reason for being there. And by the end of the two hours I wasn't sure I knew the exact reason I was there either. I left the group mentally from time to time and inside my head I was thinking. How we walk around and function everyday in society. Meeting people working with people passing them on the street But never really knowing what is going on inside their heads. The sadness the anger the withdrawn the feelings of hopelessness and even being on the verge of killing themselves.

Tuesday, 22 April 2014

And That Is On My List

. And That Is On My List.

 I Assured her in a serious calm but accretive voice that she has plenty of time to get to school and I don't need to drive her. She flips her hair at me and busts out the door commenting to the air "If you had waken me up earlier"  I wanted to scream after her the fact that her father had woke her at 7 before he left for work and told her she should get up. I didn't though, I just watched her march down the street with her little brother silently lagging behind her. I closed the door and watched from the window for a minute hoping maybe I would get a look back and a wave. I didn't, just her marching and my son slowly walking with his head down a good 6 feet behind her. I left the window, picked up my coffee and turned on the computer.

In front of me I have a list of household chores, a note book full of exciting crafting ideas and a half finished Resume. Today is Monday. As of Saturday I have been on Stress leave from my full time job. I have allot of things I have to accomplish in the next three months. I have a lot of people expecting a lot from me and I have these awful feelings of guilt built up inside of me. I have anger and regret, but mostly sadness that I have let myself become this way. Yes I need therapy and that is on my list.